Isn’t the number of Vampires on social media amazing?

Sometimes they use names like Dracula, Lestat, Carmilla, or some other literary undead character. They may further claim they are old or even ancient…you know, however far back their social media settings will allow them to go. The bad part, however, is some folks argue and/or DEMAND that other users treat them as the real deal — even if the other users aren’t role-playing. My favorites are the ones trying to be mysterious using cryptic phases like “you don’t know me” or “pray we never meet.”

It’s enough to make an actual Vampire laugh their ass off.

Hey, it’s cool if you’re role-playing. The best part of social media is being able to show the world only the side you want it to see, but let’s think things through logically.

What kind of Vampire are you? How long have you been a Vampire? What do you hope to gain online by revealing your presence to the world?

If you’re unsure, you’re in luck: I have a few suggestions.

Tip #1 – Take yourself less seriously. A real Vampire won’t mind if you don’t believe them; anonymity is your friend. Any creature that secretly preys upon the living or has a need that can only be satisfied by drinking blood isn’t exactly a safe individual to be around, and you never know who’s monitoring public communications. Whether you’re a Vampire or not, making threats online is not only a bad idea but is highly traceable; no one likes local law enforcement paying a visit to their crypt, okay?

Tip #2 – Try being less infamous. Claiming to be Lestat de Lioncourt, Count Dracula, or Countess Bathory is even more ridiculous. It’s like all the people who confess under hypnosis they were Joan of Arc in a previous lifetime. “There can be only one,” as Clancy Brown’s Kurgan might say. No one wants to be Dracula’s piss boy, but just take it down a few notes. “The Vampire in my village was destroyed, but no one knew she’d visited me first already.” Ooh, sounds like a cool story; tell me more! And why can’t you be a younger Vampire? How have the last five years been since you were turned? What were the best and worst parts so far?

Tip #3 – Dare to be vulnerable. This goes back to reasons for being on social media: you’re untouchable. “FEAR ME; I AM VAMPIRE!” doesn’t exactly scream authenticity, okay? But talking about the years gone by, the loved ones you’ve lost, or the wonders of modern invention, these are things all mortals can relate to that immortals suffer. I’m not encouraging whining, crying, or whatever “emo” is; just show a little honesty and relate to how others deal with it. Does being an immortal give you a sense of childlike wonder through the ages or crush you with painful memories?

As the Master commands: “Share!”

Disclaimer: I am not in any way suggesting that the information provided on this page came from an actual Vampire…but I’m not saying it didn’t, either.

Keep each other safe.

~ Janiss

Email janiss.connelly@cedarcrestsanctum.com
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