Consider this “Myth of the Immortal Court, Part II: By the Numbers.”
I’ve mentioned before the ridiculous Mathematical Impossibility of Vampires, or what I call the Daybreakers Fallacy. In short, humans postulate Vampires cannot exist because everyone in the world would have become a bloodsucker already.
As if Vampires would let such a thing happen. We’re not zombies, we’re not stupid, and one bite does not equal Vampire.
But this brings me to a key point: supposed “immortal courts” make no sense because all Vampires are alphas and see one another as mutual enemies. So what’s the big deal with dark princes and princesses and all that? Here’s my best guess.
We all know Dracula was a Count, but that doesn’t mean all Vampires are royalty or have to be. Werewolves draw strength from packs while witches have their covens — neither of which actually exist the way you think. I’m talking about social games — role-playing, LARPs, and MMOs — where human players get to become the “monster” of their choice. Some of these attribute packs and covens to Vampires, nests and the like, implying groups of Vampires huddled together…
Except they’d destroy one another. More often than not, they do.
Anne Rice had it right — only the lonely — but White Wolf Games needed to enable everyone to play Vampires, so there had to be plenty of bloodsuckers around and reasons why they would be. I think the ones organized like mafia make the most sense; they’re at least somewhat believable.
There are about ten thousand Vampires that exist on Planet Earth with a population of 7.5 billion humans.
That’s one Vampire for every 750,000 people.
430 Vampires in the United States of America out of 323 million people.
There are perhaps eleven operating in and around New York City.
I can count the number of Vampires in West Virginia on one hand, including myself.
If such a court exists, it would be populated by ghouls: helpful empowered humans trying to avoid becoming the next meal. It would in no way be staffed with other Vampires making plans to attack or be attacked… constantly.
If you’re a Vampire, you’re an Alpha. There are no Betas and certainly no Omegas. Call it Vampire paranoia; you’re always suspicious and you’re not wrong to be. Two can tolerate one another for short periods of time — very short periods of time.
If it weren’t for social media, we’d never talk to each other safely at all.
I know what I’m talking about. Trust me — I’m a Vampire.
Take your power seriously. Keep each other safe. Be indomitable.
~ Janiss
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It’s true that a victim won’t fall immediately unconscious, but you’re neglecting the amount of blood a vampire needs to survive and how frequently they need it. Single pints (standard units of blood) are donated all the time at the Red Cross with few ever passing out; would it surprise you to know that a Vampire can subsist on as little as this each night? Sure, they may be a bit irritable and need much more if they’re healing from a grievous wound, but it’s enough. Ideally, three pints are more than adequate — three meals a night, if you prefer — and no one needs to die. If a Vampire chooses to feed once and get on with their evening, a victim could still survive this even if they pass out (and they certainly would).
Having shot down the “zombie theory” that being bitten turns a victim every time, this also kills the grade-school penny-doubling math-calc that wipes out the human race in thirty-four months. To be fair, Daybreakers was a fun movie about exactly that scenario (all except for the hilarious “cure” part), but the other factor missing is Vampires actively destroying one another competing for that blood bank. Did you think being turned made you instant friends? Nope, because Vampire are alpha predators, not pack-loving werewolves. In the same way killing off your food supply is bad for business, allowing other Vampires to roam your fiefdom is a signal to all that you’re either foolish or vulnerable.
Sometimes they use names like Dracula, Lestat, Carmilla, or some other literary undead character. They may further claim they are old or even ancient…you know, however far back their social media settings will allow them to go. The bad part, however, is some folks argue and/or DEMAND that other users treat them as the real deal — even if the other users aren’t role-playing. My favorites are the ones trying to be mysterious using cryptic phases like “you don’t know me” or “pray we never meet.”
Don’t get me wrong: I like her, too. She’s gorgeous in a timeless way, looks bad-ass whenever she wants, and you WANT to believe in the character she’s playing. Yet at the same time, she’s a walking undead cliché: perfect dark hair, pale skin, the ethereal blue supernatural contacts, the custom-leather corset (accentuating whatever you have to work with) and, well, just all of it.
Here’s the truth: anyone can be a Vampire (assuming you survive the transformation), so Vampires can look like anyone; “True Blood” got this right. We should WANT to look like “anyone.” We need real living human blood to sustain us — blood that can’t have been outside of a body for more than an hour — so a source must be kept close by, and willing donors are always preferred to unthinkably trying to maintain a fully stocked dungeon. Never mind that the whole undead Cleopatra look attracts the worst donors: mortals who just want to become immortal.
And why not? The first time you see him, it’s only his fingers — long, slow, and deliberate — reaching for Mina tenderly but ensnaring her all the same. I think it was meant to be creepy…like watching a spider, but you still wanted to watch. The second time he is whole: tall, well dressed, moving with precision. His eyes linger and caress…wow. And his voice! Louisa once told me she knew I had been transformed from the quality of my voice, hearing that extra component that makes it “irresistible.” But hearing Langella pouring on the charm? Hearing him read a software agreement would be captivating.
We have alarms at Cedarcrest Sanctum for various reasons, not the least of which is a trespasser on the property. With the safety of our residents being paramount, we monitor for several possible emergencies, but imagine my surprise when a flooding alarm went off. As someone who sleeps deep in a hole in the ground, flooding is not high on my list of favorite things. Fortunately, the flooding was traced to a pipe that had broken due to a freeze, but we had to carry equipment down into a sub-basement to pump out the water. Truthfully, I was doing a lot of the carrying.
Cedarcrest Sanctum 