What the F**k is a Good Vampire? – Vampire Verisimilitude

I apologize in advance for the self-censored but semi-clear expletive, but I’m in a mood. Someone actually said to me (through social media) that they couldn’t take a “good Vampire” seriously.

When the hell did I ever claim that?! Let’s chuck all this good versus bad thing through a skyscraper window, shall we?

My place of residence is a retirement home; there are living people here I protect, and they provide for me in return. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement, neither good nor bad. Do I care what happened to my residents? Yes…and that I would do anything to protect them could be considered “good” if you need context. As another example, gypsies willingly served Dracula not out of fear for their own lives but with a sense of duty and respect.

2016IanInYourEye600That said, if you come at me with the intent to harm myself or my charges, I will end you. Maybe I’ll give you a chance to turn your ass around and maybe I won’t. There are plenty of ways I can kill you, some faster than others and I have quite the imagination. Oh, that’s against the law? The last time I checked, there weren’t any Mountain State politicians exactly pandering to the Vampire Vote, so when you cross my threshold, consider anything that happens to you justified — not to mention we have a really great cleaning crew on staff.

I’m not Pollyanna with fangs. I’m not yours to label.

Don’t give me a reason and we’ll all continue to exist happily ever after.

How’s that for a good Vampire, mister social media crusader?

Now fuck off.

No, I’m not going to apologize for that…

~ Janiss

Email janiss.connelly@cedarcrestsanctum.com
Twitter @JanissConnelly
Instagram @janiss.connelly
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