Myth of the Immortal Court — Vampire Verisimilitude

I came across this art for a Vampire MMO (read: video game) called Shadow’s Kiss, which admittedly sounds interesting. Believe me when I say Vampires should only meet on social media… because “reasons.” But this image makes me cringe — hear me out on this.

The crowned and corseted brunette with the opera gloves and thigh-highs; the blonde and blue-eyed blood doll worshiping at her feet desperate to be “kissed”; the goateed and coiffed confidant standing close — and all of them noticing you noticing them. Hell, event the gold and gem-encrusted skull throne is ridiculous. Image, image, image — no reasonably intelligent creature buys any of this, right? This is such a cliché and overdone idea that the subjects might as well be sparkling and swaying to looped trance music.

Why would anyone want to become any of these characters? How much court intrigue could justify it? Even “True Blood” character Eric Northman (read: still yummy) hated doing the whole bit at Fangtasia precisely because it’s ridiculous. And if you needed any fictional proof of vampire-court pointlessness, look no further than the ineffectiveness of Underworld. There’s no Italian Inquisitor Council and no secret cabal of hibernating immortals awakened whenever “Chuck the Vamp” steps out of line to deal with his Chuckiness.

I hope the game turns out to be cool, but let’s step into modern times and away from the Mushroom Ring Fairy Tale Demonic Vampire Court thing, okay?

Addendum: I should probably clarify my viewpoints. My father is a self-made man; he didn’t give me everything I wanted growing up and he worked hard so he could send me to college. He kept bettering himself even with setbacks, but while he was tough on me, he also had a few thoughts on “royalty.” I was three and had no memory of when Queen Elizabeth II visited America, but I do remember Princess Diana (no, not Wonder Woman) and her passing when I was almost nine.

Elizabeth served in the armed forces as a truck mechanic, and Diana wanted to be as far away from thrones and courts as she could get. I knew girls my age who wanted to be Disney princesses — and that’s okay — but I preferred a princess with quotes like, “Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” Selfless and in service of others, not ruling over them and have them do for you.

While this Vampire Court image is a very pretty fantasy picture, nothing about it feels selfless or serving: it’s threatening. It looks like a gathering of wolves waiting for sheep to be served to them, and I cannot articulate just how much that pisses me off. How do I know? Look at the blue-eyed blood doll. If the courtesans were in any way benevolent, she wouldn’t be tethered to her mistress for snacking while looking wronged for it. They’re flaunting themselves and will likely be destroyed for it — not exactly the best way to plan for your immortality.

Trust me — I’m a Vampire.

Take your power seriously. Keep each other safe. Be indomitable.
~ Janiss

Email janiss.connelly@cedarcrestsanctum.com
Twitter @JanissConnelly
Instagram @janiss.connelly
Facebook @JanissConnelly
Tumblr janissconnelly.tumblr.com
Google+ JanissConnelly
Discus @justjaniss

janissanimatedsignature2017whiteborder

What the F**k is a Good Vampire? – Vampire Verisimilitude

I apologize in advance for the self-censored but semi-clear expletive, but I’m in a mood. Someone actually said to me (through social media) that they couldn’t take a “good Vampire” seriously.

When the hell did I ever claim that?! Let’s chuck all this good versus bad thing through a skyscraper window, shall we?

My place of residence is a retirement home; there are living people here I protect, and they provide for me in return. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement, neither good nor bad. Do I care what happened to my residents? Yes…and that I would do anything to protect them could be considered “good” if you need context. As another example, gypsies willingly served Dracula not out of fear for their own lives but with a sense of duty and respect.

2016IanInYourEye600That said, if you come at me with the intent to harm myself or my charges, I will end you. Maybe I’ll give you a chance to turn your ass around and maybe I won’t. There are plenty of ways I can kill you, some faster than others and I have quite the imagination. Oh, that’s against the law? The last time I checked, there weren’t any Mountain State politicians exactly pandering to the Vampire Vote, so when you cross my threshold, consider anything that happens to you justified — not to mention we have a really great cleaning crew on staff.

I’m not Pollyanna with fangs. I’m not yours to label.

Don’t give me a reason and we’ll all continue to exist happily ever after.

How’s that for a good Vampire, mister social media crusader?

Now fuck off.

No, I’m not going to apologize for that…

~ Janiss

Email janiss.connelly@cedarcrestsanctum.com
Twitter @JanissConnelly
Instagram @janiss.connelly
Tumblr janissconnelly.tumblr.com
Discus @justjaniss

JanissStakeSignature2016
BloodDrop