It’s been a tough year, lost some good people along the way, but now we turn toward a new cycle. Hope you enjoyed your favorite drink last night and got some well-deserved rest afterward. Happy New Year, everyone.
Take your power seriously. Keep each other safe.
~ Janiss
I haven’t been a Vampire long, but I think I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
Maybe it comes from being comfortable spending time alone.
Yesterday evening, I realized most of the coats in my closet are red — poppy red, specifically. I love the color and the way it looks on me.
There’s one notable exception: a black woolen boot-camp-issue US Navy pea coat. It was first the property of Eric Moore, and like everything else, he handed it down to his younger brother Daniel. I got it from him because he didn’t need it anymore — it hurts even thinking about that.
I put it on when I saw it — it’s always been way too big for me, but you can snuggle into it. It smells like both of them.
I was an only child growing up, but Daniel and Eric lived across street from me. I treated them like brothers and they watched out for me like a sister, but I don’t think my dad’s businesses taking off was the only reason he wanted to move off our street before I started high school. Daniel and I started getting closer and he knew it, only I never saw that as a big deal.
But I think dad thought I could do better.
I never saw the Moores as “poor,” but they were. Daniel got Eric’s old clothes, but what wasn’t hand-me-down they shared. Sometimes I stayed for dinner — Mr. Moore would invite me to stay but their mom always grumbled, probably because they didn’t have enough for an extra plate.
The boys’ favorite meal was this stuff called “Treet” — kind of like Spam, I think — sliced thin and sautéed in a pan with sweet barbecue sauce. It was served with boxed macaroni and cheese — not the Kraft kind — and a side of heated apple pie filling: undressed pie. Sure, it wasn’t the most nutritious meal, but they liked it and so did I.
I didn’t think of them as poor… because I never thought less of them.
St. Clairsville, Ohio is exactly the kind of sleepy little hill town you might imagine it to be with a name like that, and not everyone there has boatloads of cash at their disposal. Since living in West Virginia and working with folks in and around Gilmer County, I have a new definition of poor.
When I began to realize just how little they had, it bothered me I had so much. I was afraid they would think I was stuck up or better than them. I valued how they thought of me and I never wanted them to keep anything from me.
Boy, was I a naive little girl, huh?
Their Uncle Par had paid for all of Daniel’s college after Eric joined the Navy. I had no idea until recently — then again, I didn’t know he was actually their great great uncle and a Vampire, either. If it hadn’t been for Mr. Haley, Daniel probably would have never left Ohio.
Yeah, I’m feeling a little nostalgic. Daniel’s in my head now — my fault for blindly killing him — an eternal reminder of what I am.
When I was ten, there were two things Santa brought on Christmas I’d asked for: a Tamagotchi — full disclosure: I killed that thing constantly — and a bicycle: a Disney Princess bike, pink and pastel purple with white tires a heart basket on the front and little stickers with all the Disney Princesses.
Eric’s bike was broken so Daniel had no bike. Yep… I let him ride mine. I remember being happy he was happy getting to ride it.
I was busy killing my digital pet sitting in the yard that afternoon when my dad came outside and saw Daniel riding that pink, purple, and white bicycle between our driveways. Dad looked sternly at me; it wasn’t like I gave it away. Daniel didn’t see him as he came back over into our driveway; he looked up and saw my dad glaring at him, not saying a word — I couldn’t speak either. Daniel stepped off the bicycle, set it down carefully, and went back home across the street.
I was mad at my dad but I was too scared to say anything.
At dinner, in the smallest voice you can imagine, I asked, “Can I keep my princess bike at Daniel’s house? He can ride it when I’m not using it.”
I had no idea what my dad was thinking, but he didn’t say anything. He just looked at my mom, got up and left the table. “Yes, Sweetie,” she said. “As long as he gives it back whenever you ask.”
I knew he would.
When one of the inner tubes blew with Daniel riding it, I told him to let me take it home so dad would think I had done it.
Where am I going with all of this?
People aren’t always what you think they are. You have to get to know them. You have to make an effort.
Seeing all this news and hate, all this fear of one another — because we don’t want to know. It’s all about us. We’re lazy, and I just —
This is dumb. No one is going to read this. Never mind…
“It doesn’t matter,” Daniel whispers in my ear as I feel his arms close around me. He’s not a ghost, but I can see him if I start daydreaming, acting independently of my thoughts. He’s a soul I’ve taken whether I meant to or not.
“You didn’t used to be this romantic,” I reply, happy to have him in the moment.
“Sure I was. I just always saved it for special occasions.”
“What’s the occasion?”
“You needed me.”
* * *
It was ten years after Dream Theater released this song, “Wait for Sleep,” that I heard it for the first time, the kind of music you latch onto, put on repeat, and cry your eyes out. I use to feel sorry for the woman in the lyrics — now I am her, but I never fall asleep.
Take your power seriously. Keep each other safe.
~ Janiss
It seems many of you are obsessed with Kate Beckinsale, specifically her Vampire character Selene from the action-horror film series Underworld. She’s a Death Dealer who fights in a war against Lycans (read: werewolves) but usually ends up fighting everyone — and for good reason: she’s been lied to for six centuries about who she is, never mind the pettiness between the factions and having to choose her allies carefully to protect herself and those she cares about.
Can I relate? Oh Lord yes. While I don’t have werewolves to deal with (thank God for small favors), it turns out Vampires are neither a freak of nature nor an accident in my circles. Our original creators, the Blood Workers, made us with purpose… and we’ve all been at odds ever since.
So, in relating to dear Selene…
Secrecy. Similar to Underworld, the other Vampires I deal with accept we don’t trust one another. Because Blood Workers have various individual powers they can choose to pass on or withhold, the skill set of individual Vampires can vary. Even exposure to a power can help one of my kind to develop it if given enough time, so if you’re going to destroy a fellow Vampire using “a cool new ability,” do it quickly before your opponent figures out how to use it against you. Selene is a master strategist at this; the longer we survive, the better we become.
Paranoia. It isn’t entirely our fault we freak one another out: we were made not to trust one another — even instinctively hate each other — so we would keep to our creator and trust them in all things. When the first makers were destroyed, Vampires fended for themselves due to the restrictions placed upon them. We were created to be the tribal figurehead: the warrior chieftain that others would look up to while heeding the advice of their “spiritual guide.” Paranoia may seem extreme until you realize everyone is out to get you, so we both understand this.
Protector. Of everything Selene does or can do, this is the one I relate to the most: she cares, often to the point of putting herself in personal danger to save someone else. Gaining her trust isn’t easy — she’s been screwed over too many times — but once earned, Selene will go the distance. I like to think of myself that way, but cross either of us and you should probably run.
Memory. Blood transference of memory — a part of a victim’s soul itself — is something which still gives me the willies. In Underworld, Vampires can’t keep secrets from one another because they can taste their memories through blood; in my experience, immortal blood is useless to another immortal (which is why we have to stay close to mortals), so the transference only works between Vampire and human. This feeds into the aforementioned secrecy and paranoia because we can still deceive one another, but keeping the memories of victims separated from your own is a chore, and cheating those boundaries doesn’t make it any easier.
Brooding. After six centuries: really, Selene? I did the everything-is-dark thing for a while, but after a year and a half I just couldn’t. It wasn’t me and was never me. Since purging my sire’s willfulness from my head, his memories often merge into my own and I catch myself being more sarcastic than I used to be, but the whole silent brooding over the city at night? I can’t do it, especially here in the country where the tallest structure is a water tower (cue the “Animaniacs” theme song). But hey, I can scare the living hell out of people by popping out of the shadows at them; it’s become a bit of a game for me now.
Smart, beautiful, deadly and dedicated, I’d like to think if Selene were real, we could be friends. And those blue eyes when she vamps out? Total girl crush.
And yeah, I’ll see the new movie when it comes out. How’s that for meta: a Vampire who likes Vampire movies?
Take your power seriously. Keep each other safe.
~ Janiss
I posted a picture of my holiday meal on Thanksgiving: a warm turkey-themed mug filled to the brim with my favorite nutritional supplement. Some people thought it was animal blood or some other creature.
Nope: pure grade-A human.
Several, actually; it takes five willing donors to measure up to 500 milliliters, so feel free to call the American Red Cross and accuse them of being “the real Vampires” since they don’t stop at a mere fifth of a pint. My requirements are negligible in comparison, even at three times a night.
But this post isn’t about that.
The holidays are upon us!
Following Turkey Week (because Deer Season is this whole thing here in West Virginia), there’s Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, and every other holiday… whew! And during this time, we expect calls from relatives, friends, people you’re reconnecting with, new people you’ve just met, and more.
Crypts and coffins go with Vampires like garages and cars — they have to be someplace when they’re not active, right?
I’ve mentioned before that immortals require a place to rest, one with a bed of earth and deep enough to be completely interred. It doesn’t require being covered, but a sense of safety is paramount; if you’ve seen any of those movies where the fools disturbing a Vampire at rest during the day realize we’re not actually sleeping, you’ve got the right bloody idea.
As a reminder of what immortal rest feels like: the blissful bit of time when you feel like you’re falling asleep right after you hit the snooze button because you don’t have to get up just yet? That… except you never fall completely asleep. You stay right there: comfortably numb.
But what about those times when you don’t want to get up but you don’t feel like resting?
Ah, modern conveniences to the rescue! Of course Vampires can see in extreme low-light conditions, but a reading light never hurts — nor does a back-lit video screen with an in-crypt high-speed wireless connection and a charging cradle. Finish a book, interact on social media, do some light shopping, or binge-watch a season on Netflix. When Vampires were cursed to spend their days confined to a crypt, I’ll bet the culprits never suspected science would supersede magic.
Pro-tip: set your mobile device to vibrate whenever you don’t need sound. Any audible alert when you’re sacked out makes you feel like someone will be standing over you with a stake when you open your eyes — you don’t need that kind of negativity in your eternity.
Take your power seriously. Keep each other safe.
~ Janiss
Every full moon, the wolf would appear to devour another sheep — it was the way of things.
Always at night and always hungry, the wolf would appear to chase the herd until one could run no longer. When it fell behind, the wolf took the weakest sheep into its powerful jaws and disappeared into the night.
While most of the sheep looked away, one did not. It watched, saw how frightened the other sheep were, and offered comfort to others.
But the wolf noticed the sheep that watched, and on the night when the moon became darkest, it came and took it away.
“Why do you watch?” the wolf asked, not yet having devoured the sheep.
“To understand,” it replied. “There must be a secret that can save us all.”
The wolf laughed. “I will reveal my secret, for it cannot save anyone.” With that, the wolf became a sheep.
“You’re one of us,” the sheep gasped.
“One need not be seen as a wolf all of the time, but it is ever what I am inside. You see such things and that is dangerous to me, but you will watch no longer.”
The wolf bit the sheep, and the sheep fell into a deep slumber.
When the sheep awoke, the wolf was gone, and so the sheep wandered back to the herd. No one in the herd had ever survived such an attack, and a few accused the sheep of bargaining with the wolf, for how else could it survive? The sheep denied the accusation but could not speak the whole truth, for it understood it would be shunned.
On the next full moon, the wolf returned. When the herd scattered, the spared sheep did not run.
“Join the hunt,” the wolf commanded, and the sheep became a wolf as well.
The fear from the herd was palpable upon seeing two wolves, and the sheep smelled delicious to the predators, but the new wolf turned and faced the old wolf down.
“Why fight me when there are sheep for the taking?” the old wolf asked.
The new wolf answered, “Because I remember being one of the sheep, and I will watch no longer.”
I can count on one finger the Vampires who are as new as I am (no, I didn’t do it). Most I know are decades or even centuries old.
I’m six in bloodsucker years. In human years, I’m twenty-eight years old as of yesterday… if you count up from the day of my birth. While I still look twenty-two, I notice mortals aging all around me.
Let me be clear: I. Notice. Everything.
I’ve become very good at concealing what I notice. If you decided to skip the shower or the deodorant last night or this morning, I’ll know. The smell of the last thing you ate on your breath? Most likely. The color fade of your favorite piece of clothing every time you wash it? Oh yes.
There’s more. Thinning or graying hair? Yep. Age spots? Wrinkles? Any change in weight, up or down? That, too.
And what do I see in the mirror? Not one single solitary change.
Every detail suggesting the passing of time in others is a reminder that, barring some horrible fate, I will see every living person I know die.
I know some Vampires who lament this, but I’ve reconciled with it. Life is short for all but a few immortals, and you have to make the most of the time you have with them because you know they’re not long for this Earth — even if you are.
The funny thing is, that should always be true… even if you’re not an immortal.
Meanwhile…
Birthday Meanings Of People Born On November 5th
According to SunSigns.org (sounds like a bad place already): I should be extremely talented — I try to be the best Vampire I can be — and an excellent communicator. I supposedly have a talent for writing… yeah, sure. Hmm: generally a private person (check), likes to work alone, and doesn’t need to be popular (also check).
Being comfortable with myself is a very important aspect of who I am (you have no idea). “Charismatic” and “passionate” are two words that describe me (yes, I’m still reading this), listens to reason but goes with their gut (oh yeah). Scorpions want to marry early in life, probably to a long-time friend (skipping through this part)…
This thing is listing how I probably eat and my general physical condition. I’ll note here it doesn’t mention an all-liquid diet or that I’m essentially the animated dead, but it does say I’d be great in the community relations field… blah blah blah writing again.
Red is my lucky color (also green) and a deck of Tarot cards makes an ideal gift for me (meh). Apparently, I am also quite secretive (nailed it).