Halloween, Ohio – Vampire Verisimilitude

btvsspike“In my day, no self-respecting creature of the night went out on All Hallow’s Eve. We left that to the posers, the blighters who had to dress up and try to be scary.” ~ Spike, “Angel”

Tomorrow night is the official Trick ‘r Treating — on All Hallow’s Eve, as it should be — 6:00pm to 7:30pm in the town I grew up.

Sunset is about 22 minutes after that… and I’ll be awake.

There’s little or no chance of rain today or tomorrow in the city of St. Clairsville, Ohio; highs in the mid 50s, perfect for going door-to-door in costume for candy. Neighborhoods like the one I grew up in are perfect for Trick ‘r Treating because it’s too far to walk out to my Gramma’s house in West Virginia.

halloweenpumpkinsSo why won’t I be in Glenville or at Cedarcrest Sanctum this weekend? I felt like a bit of a reset. I see my folks on Easter and Thanksgiving, usually reserving Christmas and New Years for the residents at Cedarcrest.

But not this year. I turn 28 next Saturday, November 5th, and I’ve been feeling a little nostalgic. I though that maybe I could make a tradition of hanging out with my folks while they’re still around… especially in light of the fact I haven’t aged in six years and subsist entirely on a diet of human blood.

Did I mention my dad dug a grave for me in the backyard and had a guest house built around it? I have a crafty old man when he wants to be.

I’m looking forward to the smell of freshly carved pumpkins with real candles burning inside (my mom always insists) and hot apple cider in the air. I want to see the kids in costume with their parents, especially when the adults dress up, too — happy family units going door-to-door. The Connelly Residence is always a favorite stop since my dad fills a huge plastic cauldron with full-size candy bars… take your pick.

btvssunnydaleclass1999My folks dress up but not in costumes; they let their decorations show off their spooky spirit.

What will I be wearing? Jeans, jacket, and a gray t-shirt that says “Sunnydale High School, Class of ’99.” Subtle, right? Even my ‘rents won’t get it.

Happy Halloween!

~ Janiss

Email janiss.connelly@cedarcrestsanctum.com
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Paranormal Romance Extreme – Vampire Verisimilitude

A thousand-year old Viking vampire-werewolf-zombie-angel-sorcerer trained as a samurai-ninja-hacker-curator-Navy S.E.A.L. walks into a bar and says, “I have crossed oceans of time to take you to heaven in a flying DeLorean.”

Wow. Stacking the deck much? Some dude — I’m sure he’s got a twelve pack and a man-bun — who’s just EVERYTHING finds the perfect mate: a surrogate for the reader. When did these paranormal romance books get so extreme? How in the devil can anyone take any of this seriously?

ParanormalBlankCoverI used to read my mom’s old paperback romance books: Danielle Steel novels. What’s wrong with falling for a renowned heart-transplant surgeon these days? Maybe what I remember are the heroines: “a glamorous, well-to-do young writer,” or “a beautiful young journalist.” Yes, there’s a pattern here — only the young get to fall in love ’cause those are the rules — but when you don’t have to worry about money, you can concentrate on everything else you want out of life without consequence (insert sarcastic laugh here).

Maybe I should pitch my story to her. “An eternal twenty-two year old, tethered to a rest home by an insatiable thirst, tasked to protect those who keep her alive and forever forbidden to walk in the sun. Suddenly (because you have to overuse words like that on back cover blurbs), a tall, dark and handsome immortal from wherever offers to take her someplace-or-another and give her whatever he thinks she actually wants but blah, blah, blah…”

Sorry, Danielle (may I call you that?) I don’t think I’m cut out for your amazing brand of one-woman survivor story with so many paranormal elements in my personal afterlife. That said, I’d probably laugh at a thousand-year old Viking vampire-werewolf-zombie-angel-sorcerer trained as a samurai-ninja-hacker-curator-Navy S.E.A.L., not that I’d be hanging out in a bar to begin with. Oh, and he can teleport and move things with his mind, too… did I mention that?

*the blank book cover is available here for those interested.

Keep each other safe.

~ Janiss

Email janiss.connelly@cedarcrestsanctum.com
Twitter @JanissConnelly
Instagram @janiss.connelly
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Discus @justjaniss

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